So What are Soul Mates???

Hello Ms. Q,

In my last post I talked about group souls, in group souls we do have individual members that we will meet again and again, now these are not all soul mates, but those that we are closely allied to that we will re-incarnate again and again but in different ways, in one life time you could have been mother-daughter in the next that could be reversed, that soul who was the daughter will be the mother in the next life time, or husband and wife and again reversed.

In some instances, brother sister or sister sister or brother brother, best buds, best friends, but we made that bargain before we were born, in that case we then are similar souls from the same soul group but more refined.  

Soulmates takes it a step further, according to various dictionaries a soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, romance, friendship, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, or compatibility and trust.  The word is used with more rarity than the terms also associated with 'romantic partner'. The term is a very versatile term, being defined differently by different individuals, as it is related to the concept of love. It commonly holds the connotation of being the strongest bond with another person that one can achieve.

But it also can mean two people with strong similar beliefs who work for the greater common good, such as scientists who work to find a cure for cancer they come together, see within each other that spark that’s needed for research, they even have a relationship that is so unique as they may seem of one mind.   Even though they may be married to different spouses.

A fictional reference is Perry Mason and Della Street, they work together, are supportive of one another even do a slight flirtation but they are not married to each other, nor did it appear that they had any sexual liaison with each other.

Another but real life example of this relationship was J. Edgar Hoover and his secretary Helen Gandy, she remained his secretary and “guardian of the gates” until his death and even after, this was in addition to the alleged relationship to his assistant director Clyde Tolson. Both J. Edgar and Ms. Gandy were dedicated beings even if J. Edgar has his detractors.

The concept of Soul Mates was theorized by Plato in one of his dialogues where the soul was both male and female as well as androgynous but the gods divided them into separate sexes until “It is said that when the two find each other, there is an unspoken understanding of one another, that they feel unified and would lie with each other in unity and would know no greater joy than that.”

In Theosophy beliefs it is thought that God created androgynous souls—equally male and female. Later theories postulate that the souls split into separate genders, perhaps because they incurred karma while playing around on the Earth, or "separation from God." Over a number of reincarnations, each half seeks the other. When all karmic debt is purged, the two will fuse back together and return to the ultimate.

The Jewish faith believe in the concept of  Bashert, this is a Yiddish word that means "destiny". It is often used in the context of one's divinely foreordained spouse or soulmate, who is called "basherte" (female) or "basherter" (male). It can also be used to express the seeming fate or destiny of an auspicious or important event, friendship, or happening.  In modern usage, Jewish singles will say that they are looking for their bashert, meaning they are looking for that person who will complement them perfectly, and whom they will complement perfectly.  And this is in spite of how well or how bad their married life works out.

Many critics and psychologists say that looking for a soul mate is unrealistic, because what if you do have only one soul mate somewhere in this world, or what if they had not been born yet it would be a nightmare.

I had one person, a man come to me claiming that this woman that he knew at work was his soul mate and he wanted to be close to her to the point of eventually asking her to marry him.  Well I met the lady and although she was very nice, she only regarded him as a friend that she was willing to help out from time to time but her feelings were that only of friendship, not love.

I saw that she was romantically involved with another man and I felt that in this life time they were supposed to be together, but the original gentleman in question who had such powerful feelings for her was having a hard time dealing with this.  I had to explain to him that in this lifetime they were to only be friends that she had to work out a karmic destiny with the other man, but for him to be a good supportive friend, because in this lifetime that is what she is going to need.   

I explained to him how convoluted the workings of soul mates are, and that we make these bargains to work things out in our karmic destiny, and sometimes it’s hard for the soul to recognize that.   He eventually understood, and in time after she had children the children regarded him as an Uncle, he also had a father that became so ill that the gentleman had to devote time to his father’s care and well-being for many years.  After his father died the gentleman told me that if he had pursued marriage with the young lady, they would have eventually divorce, it would have been too great a strain on the relationship, but by being a friend things worked out very well.

But what if we did have one randomly-assigned perfect soul mate, and we couldn’t be happy with anyone else? Would we find each other?   Let’s assume your soul mate is set at birth. You know nothing about who or where they are, but—as in the romantic cliché—you’ll recognize each other the moment your eyes meet.   Right away, this raises a few questions. For starters, is your soul mate even still alive?  

In many cases that soul mate may not be born in this time frame because they may need to work something out in their karma in a different situation, with different souls at a different time.   So it is possible that this time around you will not be with your “Soulmate” but with someone who agreed before the both of you were born to get together and have a relationship that would be a learning experience for both of you.   It could lead to marriage, for however long or short it would be.

The word soulmate is a noun and the first time this word actually appeared in usage was in 1822

It was to mean : a close friend who completely understands you : a person who has the same beliefs and opinions as another person :  a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament:  a person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs aka ideological soul mates.

This can mean either husband and wife, or a very close companionable friend.

The trouble, however, is this: New research suggests that wishing newlyweds well by invoking the idea of “soul mates” may be not be the greatest idea. The very concept seems to make people more dissatisfied with their relationships when asked to recall conflicts, according to the study, led by University of Toronto marketing professor Spike W.S. Lee. Because if you cling too tightly to the idea that your partner must be your other half, it means that the two of you “should have perfect harmony, no conflicts whatsoever,” Lee said. “When reality proves otherwise, as it almost inevitably does, it hurts all the more.”

However in we have also read of couples who have been married 50, 60, 70, 80 years and have actually died on or about the same day,  but in interviewing them the term soul mate never came up, the actual term was “Best Friend” as well as using the term “we were in for the journey”.    These couples just knew they were in it “for the long haul”.   None of this romantic business, they lived, loved, laughed, argued, worked together, cried together, cared for each other, worried about each other, helped each other.   In many cases chores were shared, it was not unusual for a man to bottle feed the baby, or change the diaper or help the wife hang up clothes, and it was not unusual for the wife to help the man paint the house,  shingle the roof, milk the cows in some cases.    

But the term Soulmate was never used, Best Friend was.  

Lee and colleagues rounded up 73 people of all ages from Ann Arbor, Michigan, all of whom had been in a relationship for at least six months. The participants were asked to take a quiz, ostensibly to gauge whether they’d heard some common expressions before. But one group was given several phrases that alluded to the idea of soul mates: “we are one,” “my better half," “made for each other.” The other group saw phrases that brought to mind a journey: “we’ve walked together,” “a long trail," “look how far we’ve come.” After that, the volunteers were told to write down either two memories of good times, or two memories of bad times, that they’d shared with their partner. Finally, they rated how satisfied they were with their relationships.

The results seem to come down in favor of viewing love as a journey. The people who recalled a conflict after being primed to think soul mates said they were unhappier in their relationships, compared to those who’d been primed to think journey.

Researchers who study relationships typically have placed people’s beliefs about romantic relationships on a spectrum that falls somewhere between two categories, “destiny” and “growth.” Those in the destiny camp believe in soul mates, maybe love at first sight and certainly the idea that there is one person out there you were meant to be with, while growth people believe romance takes effort. And most people are a blend of the two.

Couples who are, at their core, very good friends are also more likely to be more in love, be more committed to each other, and even have better sex than couples who value their friendship less.

So finding one’s soulmate is not necessarily looking into another person’s eyes and saying “This is it!!!”   and that you will be so compatible, that there will never be any conflicts, no that is wrong, and I should know.

I have had a number of relationships, many didn’t last that long maybe 6 months to a year, and then something would happen and it just drift way and I didn’t even think twice about it, but I did learn more about the human condition and the human heart.

But there were 4 that were more serious, I married and then divorced one, was engaged and broke up with another, was very, Very good friends with a third until he died from complications due to AIDS, and the fourth one I’ve been with for over 25 years. 

With number one, I felt the pressure to get married, so did he, his friends were married and I was heading into the age of being called a “spinster”, neither of us were married before, of the same religious faith, no children so we thought why not.  Big Mistake!    After we were married we discovered our expectations were entirely different, I felt we should work as a team and he felt that he should call all the shots, wanted me to turn  my entire paycheck to him, not have contact with my parents, well you can see where that was going.  

 Luck however was on my side, by accident, when he thought I was spending the night at my parents’ house,  I realized I’d left my wallet at home, upon returning home I caught him in bed with another woman.  I chased both of them out of the house with a broom, they were naked, I did throw to her, her purse, shoes and coat, I kept her dress, she cried out “How am I to get home??”  I yelled back “Walk!!! That’s what all the Hookers do!!!”  

Him I kept outside the entire night, he had to hide behind the garbage can and a couple of cardboard boxes, I let him in early the next morning so the neighbors wouldn’t complain and stated “I Want a Divorce!”  He didn’t argue.   Some years later we both agreed if two people should not have married each other we were it.

My 2^nd relationship I was engaged to a man who was widowed, two children, but I felt it was workable, however because he was a member of a small church group they feared him marrying someone who was not of their church, they introduced him to another woman and while he and I were still engaged he married this other woman and didn’t tell me for 6 weeks.  He did make amends by paying me a large amount of funds which I used to repair my parents’ house, and I kept the engagement ring and matching wedding band.

My 3^rd relationship was very friendly and very sad, he was gay, had a gay lover, but it seemed that we liked the same things, understood the same things but even though we were the same age I felt that spiritually he was many years older, like a mentor.  He contracted AIDS and his partner couldn’t handle it very well, and fortunately did not contract the illness, but he emotionally distanced himself from my friend, so we talked and I dealt with the onset of the mild dementia that he suffered.  

 When he was in hospice we talked about death, I held his hand, and I saw a look in his eyes a look of pure love, it penetrated my soul, and I knew what it was.  He said “I Love you” and I said “I love you too” and I felt a powerful sense of energy reaching out between him and me, it was overwhelming,  I thought I was going to cry.   Then when it died down he asked me if I could come back tomorrow I said I would, then he said “Please call first” I thought that was a strange remark but I said I would.   When I did call the next day I was told he passed away during the night. 

I realized that I had met one of my soul mates, possibly a “Twin Flame” (I’ll talk about that in my next post), but surely I had been closely related, in contact to someone who mentored me and in the end taught me about Death.  

Now I said “one of my soul mates” I do believe that sometimes we will have more than one, like a portion split off into a third entity, and that  it comes around for something very powerful, sometimes as a parent, or sibling or dear friend.   When we go to the other side we will join them as part of that soul group and then after many incarnations as one.

Now my last relationship, we met at my work place, it was really a funny situation, too long to go into here, but as time when by he helped me at my parents’ home (I was living with my mother, dad had died some time ago)  and I regarded ourselves as friends, one day he came into where I work, we planned on having coffee on my break, he started looking around and as I watched him I suddenly had this overwhelming feeling of love towards him.   I mentally shook my head and said “Wait a minute girl, he’s just a friend”.

Later on, several situations happened that I began to question my feelings towards him and then I saw it, that same overpowering look in his eyes the same as my friend who died several years before had, it was pure, overwhelming, powerful and then he said “I love you” and I kissed him, we cried and we’ve been together for over 25 years, oh there have been bumps in the road, but as it’s been said “We are in for the long haul”  we’ve lived, loved, laughed, argued, worked together, cried together, cared for each other, worried about each other, helped each other, and we do get romantic with each other, but it’s not one of those candles and fine wine and soft music romance.

No our romantic dates have been cooking over a camp stove, with the birds singing in the trees, seeing the sun rise, drinking hot camp coffee and breathing in the scent of the trees and at night romanced by the howl of coyotes,  and just looking at the stars.   And then when we’re back in the city remembering that. 

So what is a Soulmate?   Well as the definition says one half of one person, who when together completes the whole, or “My better half”, and more importantly “My Best Friend”.  They are important in our own personal soul and spiritual growth.  When will we meet out soul mate?  That depends upon what contracts we’ve made before we were born.

The book that I mentioned before in my previous post “Journey of Souls” by Michael Newton can help to understand the concept of Soul Mates in far more intimate detail, and I do recommend it for your bookshelf.

How does one know if one has met one’s soul mate?   At first you don’t but if it seems that you can work things out, be equal partners with each other, deal with the ups and downs of one another, only over time do you know if you have met your soul mate.  

And if not well at least you’ve met someone from whom you will learn a life lesson. 

In my next post I will talk about “Twin Flames” allegedly a highly developed form of Soul Mates.

After that I'm going to look into the aspects of the positive and negative aspects of the use of Dolls in spells and rituals. 

Blessings Ms. Q